…that is the title of a recent post by a woman who started a blog called One Mom’s Battle. Her name is Tina Swithin. Her blog is about her divorce from a man with narcissistic personality disorder. The court system isn’t well suited for dealing with NPD individuals in the family court system (in her opinion), but she ultimately got what her children needed through a custody evaluation. Her ex husband regularly sends her emails gaslighting her, blaming her for his own actions, etc. It was devastating enough for me to experience the same thing from Better Birth, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to hear from someone she had been married to and had children with.
Some people ask her, why blog about this? Most people, most attorneys, suggest not saying anything about a divorce online because it could be used against you later. Here is her explanation of why she started the blog:
For the sake of my daughters, I want to beg him to stop giving me information to write about. I started blogging out of desperation. No one in the court system was listening to me. I fought for a parenting evaluation in 2009 and they didn’t see through him or listen. I fought for minor’s counsel in 2011 and was left feeling the same way. I want someone to be accountable if something happens to my daughters and publicly blogging about this nightmare gave me hope that someone would finally listen. Someone has to listen because I feel the same desperation today that prompted my blog in 2011.
This part resonated with me deeply. I wish I didn’t have anything to write about on this blog either, and I too started blogging out of desperation because all the avenues I tried previously either didn’t care or weren’t able to act. I was later contacted by people who knew that Better Birth wasn’t a good place to go, but no one warned me. I couldn’t let it go on. Tina continues:
I wanted to tell him to take this energy that he expends on these email attacks and put the same amount of energy into something positive- like a relationship with his daughters. If he could use half the energy he spends trying to hurt me into something healthy, I would have zero content to write about.
I feel the same way about Better Birth of Utah. If they spent the energy they have used to deny and gaslight people who have complained about the services there, and instead put it towards making amends and improving care I wouldn’t have anything to write about. Its become clear to me that its probably never going to happen.
People who are unwilling or unable to admit mistakes and make amends for them are terrifying. They are unable to learn or grow from experiences and compound the damage to the people they have hurt by denying that anything bad happened, or by blaming their victims. A simple “I am sorry” or acknowledgment that something bad happened means the world to a person who feels compelled to confront others about the impact of their behavior. Its what most of us give to each other, and what most of us expect when wronged.
I hope that, like Tina, I ultimately emerge from this triumphant, but I am not an overly optimistic person. I know the justice system is imperfect and that the truth might not be affirmed by a court of law. That’s life. The risk is worth it to me if I can spare just one other woman from going through what I, and many other women, have at Better Birth of Utah.